Apologies for taking so long to wrap up this story. To refresh your memory, I participated in a bizarre text message conversation a while back. The gist of it is that the texter thought I was someone else, bought a large bottle of Grey Goose for me, and expected me to come over that night to drink & hang out. We’d gone back & forth with plans for the evening, each reply getting more and more bizarre. Of course, I didn’t show.

Here’s the conversation from the next day:

Mystery Texter: Hope u did well on the test today

Test? Apparently, the Mystery Texter thinks I’m a student.

me: Aced it. Had a great time last night. Sure was a wild one, wasn’t it?

MT: Sadly all we did was go to bed. Looking forward to tonight.

MT: Still coming over tonight?

me: Wait a minute. If I wasn’t at your place last night, where was I?

MT: Good question. Ur coming over tonight to get naked. Why hd a wild night last night?

me: Thought it was with you. Maybe we’re confused. I came over, drank a bunch of grey goose, and the rest is a haze. You’re telling me I didn’t come over?

MT: Sadly yes. We still have ur bottle here. U never came over. Did u dream it? lol

me: No, I’m hung over. I’m sure it happened.

MT: Didnt come to our place. R u tonight? R u at work?

MT: So r u coming over tonight to have fun?

me: Going to a concert tonight, so I can’t come over.

I really was going to a concert that night. One of the few true things I texted.

MT: That sucks. Would u like me to drop off the grey goose at ur place?

me: Sure.

MT: R u at ur place?

me: Yes.

I wasn’t home, I was at work.

MT: Be there in a bit.

me: See ya soon.

MT: Whats ur apt number?

me: 729

Just a number I made up.

MT: Sorry im lost

Of course s/he was.

MT: Where do u work again?

Not gonna tell ya that, I don’t want any retaliation. Maybe I can turn this around and put it on them.

me: Are you sure you’re texting the right person, and not simply fucking with me?

MT: Who is this? Cause i got the wrong person I think.

MT: Is this Lauren?

me: No.

MT: My Bad. I’m a idiot. Sorry to bother u and have a good one

Damn, I was having fun. Maybe I can get them to play some more.

me: Well, if I didn’t get drunk with you last night, who was I with?

MT: Good Question. I dont even know u

Apparently not.