Here’s the conversation from the next day:

Mystery Texter: Hope u did well on the test today

Test? Apparently, the Mystery Texter thinks I’m a student.

me: Aced it. Had a great time last night. Sure was a wild one, wasn’t it?

MT: Sadly all we did was go to bed. Looking forward to tonight.

MT: Still coming over tonight?

me: Wait a minute. If I wasn’t at your place last night, where was I?

MT: Good question. Ur coming over tonight to get naked. Why hd a wild night last night?

me: Thought it was with you. Maybe we’re confused. I came over, drank a bunch of grey goose, and the rest is a haze. You’re telling me I didn’t come over?

MT: Sadly yes. We still have ur bottle here. U never came over. Did u dream it? lol

me: No, I’m hung over. I’m sure it happened.

MT: Didnt come to our place. R u tonight? R u at work?

MT: So r u coming over tonight to have fun?

me: Going to a concert tonight, so I can’t come over.

I really was going to a concert that night. One of the few true things I texted.

MT: That sucks. Would u like me to drop off the grey goose at ur place?

me: Sure.

MT: R u at ur place?

me: Yes.

I wasn’t home, I was at work.

MT: Be there in a bit.

me: See ya soon.

MT: Whats ur apt number?

me: 729

Just a number I made up.

MT: Sorry im lost

Of course s/he was.

MT: Where do u work again?

Not gonna tell ya that, I don’t want any retaliation. Maybe I can turn this around and put it on them.

me: Are you sure you’re texting the right person, and not simply fucking with me?

MT: Who is this? Cause i got the wrong person I think.

MT: Is this Lauren?

me: No.

MT: My Bad. I’m a idiot. Sorry to bother u and have a good one

Damn, I was having fun. Maybe I can get them to play some more.

me: Well, if I didn’t get drunk with you last night, who was I with?

MT: Good Question. I dont even know u

Apparently not.

Mystery Texter: Hey what size grey goose do u want?

me: The largest one available, of course.

MT: Lol will do

me: When will it arrive?

I didn’t hear anything for a while.  Then about an hour later, it started up again:

MT: The grey goose?

me: Yes, the grey goose. I’m getting thirsty thinking about it.

MT: Lol i don’t get off till about 530. And ill make run to the liquor store around 6 so it will be ready for u to take home when u come over.

me: Was I supposed to come over tonight?

MT: I thought u were just to hang out? Maybe smoke the hooka a lil?

me (trying to get an idea of who it might be): That’s right. Refresh my memory, how do I get there?

MT: Give us a call when ur on ur way and well give u directions

MT: Its awesome to find someone who we dont freak out

me (maybe I can freak them out a bit): Should I bring my leather?

MT: Please do

me (damn, didn’t work, maybe this will): My sister would like to come, too. Is that ok?

MT: Thats cool. R yall drinking and having fun?

me: Not yet. Looking forward to tonight.

MT: Why r u looking forward too it?

me (shit, am I busted?): Because it sounds fun.

MT: It will be. Wanna play whos the vigges pervert,

me (Cool, I’m not.  Let’s see where this’ll take us): Sure. You in first.

MT: Me in first,

MT: ?

me: Yes.

MT: Ok but if u get us naked i swear lol

me: I thought that was the goal. . .

MT: Lol. Well i know it wont be hard for you to get jess naked lol

WTF?  I know someone named Jess.  Could this be someone that actually knows me and is texting me by mistake?

MT: Just get ready to have fun tonight

MT: Dont wear to much lol

Another long break with no messages.  I was thinking about who it could be, and even called my wife to see what she thought.  I did a reverse white pages lookup on the number, but all it told me was that it was a cell phone using the same cell provider that I use.  No help there.

me: Where do you work that you can spend all this time texting me?

MT: Pharmacy. And its slow

I thought I’d try to let them down easy, and try to get out of “coming over” like they thought I was:

me: It looks like I won’t be able to get away from work until after 7 pm. Is that too late to come over?

MT: Of course not well be up late tonight

Crap.  Didn’t work.

MT: Ur grey goose was 25

MT: What time do u think yal will be here?

By the time I received the above message, I was already home.  I didn’t bother responding.  Later, I received this:

MT: Probably. We can order it when we’re done.

I have no idea what “it” is.  Or what it is that they are doing that they’ll be waiting until after they’re done to order.

I hope they had a nice night, whoever they were.

Hey what size grey goose do u want?

It was from a number that I didn’t recognize.  So I thought, what the hell, why not respond?

The largest size available, of course.

To which the unknown person replied:

Lol will do

Since I was having fun with it, I decided to keep going:

When will it arrive?

I haven’t heard back yet.

I’m tempted to call the number and find out who it is.